What the fuck was I reading?

This time last year, I visited my mom for the holidays - like everybody else. It is customary for us to have bible readings and then pray before retiring for the night.

On one of those nights, what was read was about some king that sent for a prophet. I think that prophet was Elijah. Anyway, the king sent a commander of some fifty soldiers to go get the prophet. Note that this wasn’t an arrest, regardless of how it sounds. The commander walked up to the prophet and went

“Thou man of God, the king requests your presense”.

Well, guess what - the prophet responded saying

“If I am a man of God, let fire come down from heaven and strike you and your army”.

And that happened.

The king sent commander #2 and his own fifty soldiers. Same thing happened.

I’m like dude, we know you are a man of God. That’s why we called you man of God. Why are you still trying to prove to us that you’re a man of God by burning these messengers?

The third commander came and pleaded that the prophet spare his life and that of his men, along with the request to come with him to see the king (of course), and some angel appears and tells the prophet

“It’s ok. Go with them to the king.”

Well, I don’t get it. The other 102 people just died like that? I didn’t get it but oh well, reading was over so we prayed and went to bed. I had no idea what the lesson was. I still don’t. I was going to ask in the middle of the reading before I realised i was neither the time nor place for that.

The next night, my mom read some passage where some children were being children and doing what children do - called a bald man a bald man. The only problem was this bald man was Elisha. You wouldn’t believe what he did next. He conjured up two female bears to attack the kids. 42 of them were ripped to shreds.

Let us pray.

I have always been familiar with these stories as I grew up in a Christian home. Hearing them read out loud to me now however makes me wonder - What the fuck was I reading growing up?

 
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